Heathers

There comes a time in everyone's life where they must meet someone else with their same name. In my case, this someone is Heather Graham. You will recall her from her previous glory in roles like RollerGirl from Boogie Nights and Felicity Shagwell in Austin Powers. Now she is more in the vein of pseudo-direct-to-video projects, for which I have interviewed her twice. Oh, how the almost mighty have fallen.

I recently interviewed her a month or so ago for a small movie, a little indie would-be romantic comedy called Miss Conception in which she plays a British woman who discovers she has baby fever and only one egg left. Not great, but I expected worse and in all honesty her British accent was shockingly good.

The junket for that one was at a Glendale hotel that never has junkets, so when I went in to find out where it was, the people at the main desk were like, 'What? We're having a junket?' And I had to sit in the lobby calling the publicist that hooked it up until they could figure out what room to dispatch me to. Then when I left the valet refused to accept my parking validation. In short, not the smoothly run operation that junkets are at the hotels that have them almost daily.

(Note: the interview itself was fairly unremarkable, except that we all sat around what felt like a boardroom table, which is distinctly un-LA. The most exciting part was that there was a journalist there who was deaf, so I was signing to her across the table. She seemed to think my ASL was way better than it was, so I stared at her hands trying to pick out one in 10 words and then nodded my head dumbly like I understood what was going on).

My first Heather Graham encounter was slightly more exciting. It was at the junket for Gray Matters last year, a little indie romantic comedy that wasn't as good as it hoped it would be (notice a trend here?). This was back when we were doing TV spots for the web, which basically means that you do the TV style junket with all the other TV people and then, well, it goes on the web. One day, I shall debrief you, my adoring minions, on the different types of junkets. Sadly for you, today is not that day.

Anyhow, it was a two-fer, so she was in the little room with her co-star, Tom Cavanagh (he was the lead in the TV show, Ed), and the two of them were having a delightful time together. Later on, I got reprimanded by my editor (who thinks I suck) for not 'controlling them better'. I invite you to figure out how to control two attention-loving celebs who have been cooped up in a room all morning under hot lights answering the same questions every 4 minutes on a movie that is going to have 5 viewers. Okay, perhaps I could have leapt in more, but personally, I found them entertaining. They were both very nice and very funny.

More importantly, I came in just after my friend had her slot. What you should know about said friend is that she is ridiculously gorgeous. Like, your mind melts she is so pretty. And although I would wager that she bumps up the blonde in her hair, otherwise I think it is all natural -- and that includes gigantic boobs and a waist the size of a paperclip. In short, Barbie dolls hate her. Note: the craziest thing about this friend is that you expect her to be a raving bitch because she is so gorgeous, yet she is totally nice.

Anyhow, this friend was wearing a particularly cleavage-bearing outfit that day and I could overhear them all discussing her boobs as I was waiting my turn. So basically when it was my turn, I went in and told them how she was a hard act to follow, and Heather Graham and Tom Cavanaugh proceeded to discuss my boobs. Heather felt that she would have thought mine were lovely and large, but after my friend's, well, even I had to admit they pale in comparison.

Should you be interested, the review of Gray Matters and Miss Conception, plus the TV interview from the former and the print interview from the latter should all be available on my work website.